Coping with loss can be difficult for anyone, but if you’re an older adult, the experience can be a greater struggle simply by the nature of your stage in life. Learn the ways to identify those who are grieving and how to help them work through the healing process.

Loss is an inevitable part of life, and grief is a natural part of the healing process.

The length of the grieving process is different for everybody, grief is a natural and expected reaction to any loss including:

• A spouse or loved one

• A valued way of life

• Marriage

• Good health

• Job

• Animal

 With time and support things usually start to get better.

Anticipatory grief: This is grief that is experienced in advance of an impending loss.

People may feel anticipatory grief for a loved one who is dying or for impending declines in their own health or to an inevitable event such as, moving out of your home, retirement from a long cherished job, child going off to college.

Sudden Loss: This is a death that happens unexpectedly, like a fatal accident, crime or suicide.

There is no way to prepare and such tragedies can leave survivors feeling shocked and confused. Loved ones are often left with many questions, unresolved issues, and a range of emotions including anger, guilt and pain.

Grieving is the process of emotional and life adjustments one goes through after a loss. Grieving after a death is known as bereavement.

The stages of grieving do not fall in to a set order and vary greatly from one person to another.

People may move in and out of those stages at different times throughout the grieving process.

Some physical expressions of grieving are:

• Headaches

• Loss of appetite

• Difficulty sleeping

• Body aches or stomach distress

Emotional expressions include:

• Anxiety

• Anger

• Sadness

• Guilt

• Feelings of panic

• Depression

• Loneliness

• Crying and a sense of isolation

Social expressions:

• Inability to return to a daily routine

• Isolating oneself from social contact

• Spiritual expressions include questioning the reason for the loss

• The purpose of pain and suffering

• The purpose of life and the meaning of death

Helping Yourself Through Grief

Active, healthy grieving requires balance—balancing the time you spend directly working on your grief with the time you spend coping with your day-to-day life; balancing the amount of time you spend with others with the time you spend alone; balancing seeking help from others with caring for yourself.

Here are some things others have found useful in their healthy grieving.

Choose the ones that fit for you, or make up your own methods of self-care. Remember that grieving is an active process, it takes energy that will likely have to be temporarily withdrawn from the usual pursuits of your life. Treat yourself with the same care, tolerance, and affection you would extend to a valued friend in a similar situation.

• Go gently — take whatever time it needs, rather than giving yourself a deadline for when you should be “over it;”

• Expect and accept some reduction in your usual efficiency and consistency

• Try to avoid taking on new responsibilities or making major life decisions for a time

• Talk regularly with Family and friends

• Accept help and support when offered

• Take time to relax

• Listen to music

• Eat healthy nutritious foods

• Exercise moderately and regularly

• Engage in social activities

• Read—there are many helpful books on grief

• Plan, and allow yourself to enjoy some GOOD TIMES without guilt

• Tell those around you what helps you and what doesn’t Most people would like to help if they knew how

• Seek professional help

• Set aside a specific private time daily to remember and experience whatever feelings arise with the memories

• Join a support group—there are hundreds of such groups and people have a wonderful capacity to help each other

• Plan for ‘special days’ such as holidays or anniversaries Feelings can be particularly intense at these times

• Pray

• Speak to a spiritual leader

• Vent your anger in healthy ways, rather than holding it in. A brisk walk can help.

Supporting others who are grieving

When someone you care about is grieving after a loss, it can be difficult to know what to say or do since the intense pain and difficult emotions can make people uncomfortable about offering support. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making your loved one feel even worse at such a difficult time. Maybe you think there’s little you can do to make things better, that’s understandable but don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving. Now, more than ever, your loved one needs your support. You don’t need to have answers or give advice or say and do all the right things. The most important thing you can do for a grieving person is to simply be there. It’s your support and caring presence that will help your loved one cope with the pain and gradually begin to heal.

Acceptance

In this final stage of grief, you accept the reality of your loss. It can’t be changed. Although you still feel sad, you’re able to start moving forward with your life.

There is no formula for grieving and it can be different from one person or experience to the next. If you or a family member are in the grieving process, caring for others and yourself can become difficult. We we are here to help with the care of your loved ones while you or they heal. Reach out to us if you would like to hear more about caregiving options from our talented staff.